The award for the best business card of all time goes to one P G. JANSON esq, better known as the Captain Peter Janson.
Our thanks to Dave Sciberras for bringing this truly marvellous item of personal stationery to our attention. For it provides a detailed explanation of Janson’s often-stated yet frequently misunderstood occupation of ‘Gentleman’.
We now know that a Gentleman provides the following services, for the right price: spittoons emptied, wars fought, forces flexed, tigers tamed, wives pacified, revolutions started, bars emptied, assassinations plotted, computers confused, governments reorganised and operated, uprisings started and quelled and orgies organised.
A ‘Gentleman’ is also adept at acquiring items including, but not limited to: used and new cars, boats and aircraft; land; whisky; manure; nails and rivets; fly swatters; bongos; and racing forms. The Captain was clearly very well-connected in the military as he boasted “guns and tanks bought, sold and stolen; surplus from all wars; and anything useful or useless.”
We can’t confirm what’s listed on his business card’s B-side, however we presume it states: sponsorship procured; podiums filled; Cherry Ripes flung...
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